(I kind of used the word 'f*ck' way too many times so if you're against that 'sh*t' please leave now )
Although my dad isn't exactly anti-LGBT (or hasn't openly spoken against it), he mentioned that it is humiliating to the family (and probably would be against the idea of me being bisexual). We were talking about how 'unsuccessful' most of the third generation of our family are. He mentioned how one of my cousins worked in music and how mediocre his work was. Or how this other cousin did nothing after university and basically lived with my aunt and lived on their money without getting a decent job (she got a few jobs but complained how 'hard' they were). But then he said that another cousin was gay, and then stopped at that. I had to ask what his profession was to know why he was 'unsuccessful' in his book. It's like how being gay is already enough of a reason to make him 'unsuccessful'. He also purposed his worry that I might be a lesbian because:
- I do/did not have a boyfriend
- The way I talk sounded like I'm a lesbian
- My aunts and uncles told him that I act like a lesbian
- I hang around guys all the time
And I'm like '?!?!?!'. This is what angers me. That not only does he think that being gay is a wrongful thing, but that gays/lesbians act a certain way. I'm already against the idea of having gender roles. Yes, it is true that some gays may act for 'feminine' and some lesbians act more 'manly' which is true in some cases. But still, why can't we all just be ourselves and not worry for a second that we may appear 'abnormal' to someone else? FFS.
This is what I hate about Asian culture. The way that we should be expected to be 'successful', 'normal' and 'live up to our relatives expectations'. Like I don't give a single fuck about how those particular relatives think of me because they did not contribute a single positive thing in my life (with a few exceptions). They are the ones that made my sister depressed because apparently being an artist is deemed to be 'the easy way out', 'the best way to starve yourself to death' and 'humiliating when presenting your daughter at family functions'. And now he can brag about how my sister is studying vet and how I'm an engineering student, yes, good for you. Although I do, in fact, enjoy engineering, but if today I was doing, say animation or interior design or some shit that doesn't appeal to the Asian culture, I bet my sister will become the star-child of the family while he'll just briefly mention how I'm kind of good at English to his colleagues. You know there's something wrong with a culture when its expectations will cause its younger generation to be fucking depressed and stressed and angry all the fucking time.
Now back to the LGBT stuff.
After his statement about how being gay is apparently an 'unsuccessful' trait and how I act 'lesbian-like' to my relatives, I was so tempted to say that I am a fucking bisexual and deal the fuck with it. But I didn't. I know now's not the time. I am angry and so very disappointed and I know that I will say something that I regret. Although I was relieved that I didn't say it, it still made me kind of sad that I have to keep this a secret, to him, to my mum, to my sister (although she had her doubts) and to most of my friends. I had to watch myself whenever I was tempted to compliment a girl because I already had some friends telling me that's 'kinda lesbian'. I know I probably shouldn't care that much, but I do. They are the ones that I care because they are all such nice friends and they probably will just go 'I thought so' but I'm still afraid that they might become distant. And I don't want that. Being bisexual itself in our society are deemed to be equal to being 'desperate', 'sexual predators' and 'easy'. But in truth, nowadays I rarely feel attracted to someone close (both romantically and sexually) and all I want to do is have fun (non-sexually mind you) with them. I am bisexual because I don't really mind being in a relationship with either gender as long as they like me for who I am (why am I justifying myself anyways). But that does not fucking mean that when I walk around the street I want to sex every single person I see. This is why I am against the saying that 'opposite genders can't be friends (unless they are gay/lesbian)'. It just saddens me that society nowadays view the LGBT community or anything 'out of the ordinary (whatever the fuck that's supposed to mean)' as a negative thing. (Hey, I'm an atheist and a bisexual, haters gonna hate)